We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
