Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
