the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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