He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
