I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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