There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
