can we get nightvision for the apartment?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
