yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
