i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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