his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
