I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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