mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
