My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
