i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
