I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
