I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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