So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
