So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
