Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
