So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
