Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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