just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
