Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
