So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
