I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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