i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
