also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am one with the molecules
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
