DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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