Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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