to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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