who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
