so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
