I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
