I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
cat food counts as protein by the way
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
