If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Boobs speak an international language.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
