If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
