Me too!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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