U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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