Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
