the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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