fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
