Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
