Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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