Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
