i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
