if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
