Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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