I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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