Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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