pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it glows. i had to have it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
