Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
