I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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