you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
